Piranha 3D is the 3rd installment in the long dormant 70/80′s Jaws ripoff Piranha series.  The original movie and its sequel actually have some impressive pedigrees (the original was directed by Joe Dante and the sequel was where James Cameron got his start), but if you’ve ever been lucky enough to catch them then you know they’re pretty much nothing more than trying to cash in on the Jaws success.  Anyway following along the lines of Jaws this 3rd one (which has nothing to do with the other 2) is in glorious 3D.  Some say this is a re-make, but I think of it more as a sequel.  It doesn’t really fall into either category though so choose your word.  Anyway the plot is about a group of ancient Piranhas that had been trapped in a lake under a lake (just stay with me here) and are let out after an earthquake.  This coincides with spring break and the lake being full of spring breakers and a “Wild Wild Girls” crew.  The movie is directed by Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension) and written by Pete Goldfinger & Josh Stolberg (Sorority Row).

I’m not a big fan of this recent trend of releasing everything in 3D.  It’s not a new technology and it’s being rampantly overused when it’s not necessary.  But in this case 3D was the way to go.  It goes with the kitsch of the film, with the 80′s throwback-ness of it all.  Horror in 3D can be campy and amazingly fun.  I mean we have both Friday The 13th 3D and Jaws 3D.  As a child of the 80′s the use of 3D in this movie brought up some awesome nostalgia.  Anyway to put it simply, in this rare exception to the craze lately, this movie works in 3D.

But how does it work as a movie?   Well that depends.  Are you a fan of old school horror with completely unnecessary nudity, cheesy jokey dialogue, and tons of gore?  If you are then this movie totally works.  If you’re looking for a movie to go to the theatre with a bunch of friends and have a total escapist experience then this movie works.  If you’re looking for a piece of art then this isn’t for you.  I actually thought this movie was exceptionally handled.  It never got too cheesy and really managed to strike a good balance between the camp of it all with being a real movie.  Aja really deserves a lot of credit here for that.

Kelly Brook & Riley Steele

A good decision was a lot of the casting.  Comedic actors were cast in a lot of the parts, as well as actors who can do really anything they want.  And this cast is packed with talent.  You have Ving Rhames as one of the cops, and Elisabeth Shue as one of the main characters as the main cop and also mother of other main character Jake (Steven R. McQueen; The Vampire Diaries), and younger children Laura (Brooklynn Proulx; Valentines Day) & Zane (Sage Ryan).  I have to say Shue was incredible as a sort of action star here, but Proulx is great as a whip smart little girl who has a lot of the best lines in the movie, especially in an exchange with model Kelly Brook who plays one of the Wild Wild Girls along with porn star Riley Steele.  Both Brooke and Steele show a lot of skin in this movie, although there are tits everywhere, and even have and underwater lesbian scene but Brooke actually does a pretty good job with her character.

Also on the Wild Wild Girls crew are Paul Scheer as a cameraman and Jerry O’Connell as a Joe Francis like character (read: sleazebag).  They recruit Jake to help guide them around the lake for the day and Jake’s crush Kelly (Jessica Szohr; Gossip Girl) gets dragged into it as well with O’Connell hoping to turn her into one of his Wild Wild Girls.  Rounding out the cast are some killer cameos by Richard Dreyfuss (playing his Hooper character from Jaws!), Eli Roth (Inglorious Basterds) as a wet t-shirt contest host, and Christopher Lloyd (Back To The Future) as a sort of fish expert who delivers a lot of the exposition.  Oh and how did I almost forget Adam Scott (Party Down) as a researcher investigating the earthquake?  He too is awesome and in particular just completely understood the right tone.

A very small taste of the "goregy"

There is literally a scene starting at about 47 minutes in that I can only describe as a “goregy” where the gathered spring breakers freak out and the piranhas attack and all hell breaks loose and there’s just gore and awesome kills in practically every shot for a good 10 minutes.  And speaking of gore and kills, I was really happy with the effects work done here.  The CGI is decent and blends really well with the very smart decision to do a lot of practical effects.  If you are squeamish stay home.  This movie is bloody.

I don’t know what else to say.  I highly recommend this movie to everyone for a really fun theatre going experience.  Get your tickets now using the link below and help us out a little in the process.