Sorority Row – Movie Review
Sorority Row is a horror/slasher film that was released last year. It’s plot is pretty simple. A bunch of sorority girls are throwing a party and decide to get back at a guy who cheated on one of them by playing a prank. So one girl gives the guy (who is incidentally another of the girls’ brother) fake roofies to give to the girl (played by Audrina Partridge of fake reality show fame). The girls all gather and watch on a webcam from the next room while he tries to have sex with her unconscious body (doesn’t this sound wonderfully funny? Apparently it is as the girls crack jokes the whole time), then she pretends to have a seizure or something and die. They drive him and her out to an abandoned mine (you know cause there’s just abandoned mines all over the place) and pretend like they’re going to dump her body there. When the girls split up for a second, the guy who is freaking out actually takes a tire iron and shoves it through her chest, actually killing her. Then they have to actually dump her body in the mine. This is all only slightly more complex then I’m making it sound.
The Cast
So continuing the plot a few months later on graduation day they’re having another party. They’ve managed to keep the secret this long but suddenly someone starts murdering members of the group.
OK so this is your basic slasher movie. Except they just went all out and made this a total piece of eye candy for the boys. The cast didn’t seem to be picked for acting capabilities but instead for their ability to look pretty. To give some credit there is some decent kills here with some ok gore, but mostly this is exploitive horror at its worst. Perhaps made funnier by the fact that no main cast member is ever naked. They throw random tit flashes from extras who you’ll never see again in throughout.
You remember her right? No? Ok.
Proving my pretty but cannot act theory is the lead, Briana Evigan, best known for being the lead in perhaps one of the most retarded movies ever Step Up 2 The Streets. To give her some credit it did seem like she tried to do a good job. I was unimpressed with most of the other main actresses, Rumer Willis, Leah Pipes,
Margo Harshman
and Jamie Chung, although I did enjoy Margo Harshman’s performance as “Chuggs”. Her scenes popped from the rest and she had some great dialogue (also the best kill). Also Caroline D’Amore as Maggie, the sister to Audrina Patridge’s character is in the movie for almost no time but provides a memorable performance. And obviously I can’t not talk about Carrie Fisher as the house mother. She goes balls out in her also too small role.
But we can’t hold bad acting against a slasher film, it’s just the nature of the beast, and part of the fun. What we can hold over them is the insane make no sense plot. Even allowing for suspension of disbelief there’s a lot of stuff really wrong. Like in one part of the movie one of the girls falls down a mine shaft (I’m not considering this a spoiler because it doesn’t really have any consequences on anything and isn’t build up to be dramatic) and then the next scene she’s out of the shaft magically. How the fuck did she get out of there? It wasn’t like there was a ladder. Then there’s the really big problem.
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and Amazon 
February 23rd.