This post is being written by a straight male and just for ease of writing I’m just going to use boy/girl descriptors but really this should apply to most any gender pairing. Also this is a different type of post than usual for MediaDecay, but we figured we’d throw in an occasional off topic post every now and then for some added fun.

So here’s the situation: You’re at a club (a rock club, not some crappy techno type club) and you’re watching a band.  They’re good and you’re really into the music.  And hey you’re single and there’s some attractive people in the band.  Your eyes move around the stage and you study each member diligently.  First up there’s the singer.  He’s gonna be the obvious choice.  He’s out in front, he’s emotional, his lyrics speak to someplace deep inside you.  Then you move to the guitarist.  Another easy choice.  You watch as he bends the chords to his will.  Strumming your pain with his fingers.  You know, the usual.  Now your eyes drift towards the bassist.  He probably smells.  Just kidding.  I just really had nothing to write for a bassist.  Finally you make your way up to the drummer, partially hidden behind a plethora of drums and cymbals.  He’s banging away a good groove, but he’s the drummer.  Also he looks pretty sweaty back there.

So why should you maybe strike up a conversation with him after the show?  Why out of all these potential one night stands or possible future boyfriends would you choose the drummer?  I’ll give you 8 reasons why.  Why 8? Cause I felt like it. OK let’s get get innuendo-y!

1. Rhythm – Drummers can rock a steady rhythm for prolonged periods of time.  And they can make subtle, but important changes to that rhythm on command.  Meaning they can keep doing what you want them to do and make a near seamless transition into something else you might like better.

 

2. Stamina – It’s pretty hard to hold out a tough beat for a long period of time.   That’s the reason for the sweat (also the lights on the stage).  Drummers have to train their body and mind to hold out through the song, no matter how taxing it may be.  This training can easily be transferred into off stage activities.

 

3. Body – OK obviously not every drummer fits into everything on this list, and there’s a ton of overweight fat guys behind the kit, but there’s also a ton of us that are actually pretty built.  Not like you’d think though.  We work tons of different muscles when playing, from fingers to shoulders and arms down through our legs.  Also when we’re not playing we’re usually lugging some pretty heavy equipment around, so we get a lot of exercise.  If that drummer doesn’t look like he’s packing massive muscles it’s because we’re toned and lean more than big and bulky.  Don’t believe me?  Go and “accidentally” grab one of his arms.

 

4. Dexterity – This one kinda goes with the last one.  If you look for this in a potential mate, look no further.  Every good drummer is constantly making minor adjustments with their fingers in order to change sounds.

 

5. Emotion – You know how that guitarist was strumming you with his fingers and the singer was singing your life with his words? Well drummers are artists too and there’s a lot more to a good drum part than just simply banging away with brute force.  There’s dynamics and being able to feel the song flow through you.  Often drummers are very in touch with their emotions and that’s a good thing.

 

6. The sixth sense – Not being able to see dead people.  A good band is always in sync with each other and can follow along if another member decides to do something unrehearsed without the audience noticing.  This sort of sixth sense, mostly an acute ability to pick up on slight signals and awareness of everything going on is something that your drummer can bring to your bedroom as well.  So he’ll be able to improvise with you all night long.

 

7. Responsibility – OK so I know plenty of drummers this doesn’t apply to even remotely, but the theory behind it is sound.  Drummers are often responsible for a lot of very expensive equipment.  Take a look at the
   

   $10,000

   prices in the percussion section of your local music store.  Anything even remotely related to drumming instantly costs more.  Good cymbals usually start at somewhere around $300, and every other aspect of the drum set is pretty much on par with that.  Even a single pair of sticks is usually somewhere around the $7-$10 mark.  So unless they’re crazy rich, they have to be responsible for keeping it in good condition and making sure it doesn’t get stolen.  Also they have to be prepared for any kind of unforeseen circumstance like a drum head breaking.  This sense of responsibility shows that they’re capable of handling responsibility elsewhere in their lives, like in a relationship.

 

8. Drummers are just plain awesome – that’s right.  Drummers are cool.
   

   This girl gets it.

   Oh and about that sweat, any drummer worth his salt has at least a towel and deodorant nearby for after the set.

So next time you’re lusting after a band, give the drummer a second look.

The preceding was a public service message from the drummers of the world and in no way is meant to encourage you to  sleep with the writer of the article, who happens to play drums (some people even say he’s good at it), although if you wanted to he’s single and probably wouldn’t have a problem with it.

“Save a Drum, Bang a Drummer” Shirt from Zazzle. “Beauty and the Beat” (blue) shirt from Model Citizen on Etsy.  I’ll accept either as an X-Mas present.